The I'm-Ignoring-the-Research New Year's Resolution List

I know it's a bit late for new year's resolutions and all that but, as I was ironing today's dress for work (I wrote the bit about the ironing cause it impresses me to read it), I was thinking, imagine if someone turned the world upside down, and all the bad stuff became good and good stuff became bad?

Self improvement meant becoming unhealthier? Crime became a well respected career?

In light of this, here we go with a new year's resolution list with these new goals in mind.

1. Must start smoking.

2. Must be only be able to do ten push ups by year's end (five would be preferable).

3. Must start shop lifting.

And, in the giving-to-others resolution:

4. Get in touch with Charlie Sheen's agent and see if he's available for motivational tour to primary schools. Donate proceeds to Lindsay Lohan.

I'll stop there because I don't want to be over ambitious.....butI think I've just created a new year's resolution list that Homer Simpson would be proud of.

Anyone care to add?

*Throws iron in rubbish bin*